A friend called to let me know that she was diagnosed with both celiac disease and diabetes. Although not happy to have the disorders, she was thrilled to know what was wrong with her.
She went on to say that she is making this year ‘her’ year. After years of focusing on others and being ‘too busy’, this year she is making herself the priority and taking care of herself – and it feels good!
Last year, we had a scare when she almost passed out at work with some cardiac symptoms. I took her to the hospital and stayed with her as she began the flood of tests to rule out a heart attack. Luckily, they found nothing wrong with her heart but that good news still meant we didn’t have the answers as to what her body was going through.
Since then, I’ve been checking in to see how she’s doing and to see if she is still pursuing answers; she knew I would be thrilled that she has some answers and is taking measures to care for herself.
Making the decision is the first step. Believing you are worth caring for is essential.
Do you think she wanted to stop working, sit down and rest that day? Do you really think she wanted to spend the night in the hospital? It was embarrassing for her to admit ‘defeat’, that she couldn’t continue to work.
We each think we are somewhat invincible.
But she was fearful enough to say something. We pushed her to go to the hospital and wouldn’t take no for an answer. We were concerned for her. We need her! We love her! We want her to be healthy so we can continue to work with her and enjoy her company.
Maybe that is selfish but it doesn’t really matter.
Each of us has so much value to offer the world and when we do not take care of ourselves, eventually it will catch up with us and our bodies will give out in some way. We all lose.
Sometimes, we need other people to care about us, to love us so as to help us to realize just how important we are and worthy of our own affection. We can hold that space for others until they can love themselves more.
And while we all pushed her that one day, we could not do that every day. We can encourage; we can be role models for self-care; we can teach; but eventually, each of us has to become internally motivated to care for ourselves so we can be our best and live our best life.
Age happens to each of us; we cannot avoid that. But there are thousands of choices we make daily that can either hurt us and potentially lead to pain and disease or help us to be healthy and live longer. Changing just one of these choices can make a difference and often leads to other changes.
Make the decision today to care for yourself. That’s all you need to do. The next step will reveal itself soon enough.
Maybe it will be a change in dietary habits. Maybe you will see a doctor. Maybe you will speak up for yourself. Or maybe you will cut back on activities, let go of some stress and learn to relax.
Once you are committed to YOU and to taking care of YOU, it is easier to take action without hesitation or fear. You do it because you matter. Because you now know that you are loved and that people want you around to see the next sunrise.
If no one has told you lately how wonderful you are, let me be the first. You are amazing and are loved for just being you. You have more to contribute so do us all a favor and take better care of yourself today. One day at a time…
You’re worth it and we need you!
To your health and happiness,
Julie Donley, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success and inspiring you to be your best!
Author of The Journey Called YOU and Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?
Build a better you. Live a happier life.
Briana asked: “What should I do about a need to make others think differently of me. I feel as if I have showed a weird part of me and that now it’s my job to make them think differently by proving myself.”
This is a great question. Oftentimes, we do something that we don’t like. It feels bad and, unfortunately, those bad feelings remain in our cellular memory. I can still remember mistakes or blunders I made years ago that evoked negative feelings within me.
It feels bad yes, but this can be good. We can use it to motivate our future behavior in a different direction so that we behave in ways that make us feel good thereby avoiding these painful feelings in the future.
There is an impact to our behavior. WE think differently about ourselves; we might even beat ourselves up and give ourselves a hard time. OTHERS also might think differently about us. But living in fear of what others’ think is not helpful. It’s stressful! And it makes it harder for us to simply BE ourselves.
What can we do about it?
First of all, you cannot change the past so the first step is to accept that it happened. Acceptance is the path to forgiveness. You are human and as a human being, you will make mistakes, take wrong turns and cause pain. Forgive yourself and move on.
Secondly, you cannot control what others think or feel about you. You cannot control what they do. Trying to focus on changing other people is stressful and impossible. You can only control YOU. Let’s focus there.
The best way to move on from a misstep is to identify the qualities or characteristics that you want to espouse and then practice – become that person. Use the event to identify the kind of person you want to be instead and develop that quality.
Here’s your prescription for success:
- Accept the past. Acceptance of the past gives you the power to change the future. It was what it was. Don’t dwell on it. We all make blunders.
- Forgive yourself. You are human – welcome to the club!
- Identify the characteristic or quality that you want to develop. How would you like to be instead? Was this an integrity issue? Were you too emotional? Consider the character flaw and then identify how you would prefer to represent yourself – your best – in the future.
- Develop that characteristic by practicing it. There is no step by step procedure to becoming more honest for example, other than just doing it. Focusing on the thing which you want to be makes it grow in importance in your life. The attention you give it naturally has you focus on bringing more of it into your presence.
What you think about you bring about. So instead of focusing on your fear of what people think of you or trying to change others, focus your energy on changing YOU and BECOME YOUR BEST YOU. This is the path to happiness and peace.
Enjoy your day!
To your health and happiness,
Julie Donley, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success and inspiring you to be your best!
Author of The Journey Called YOU and Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?
Build a better you. Live a happier life.
For the past 10 years, I have been coaching, educating, inspiring and motivating you to be your personal best. Ten years! It’s been an amazing time of growth and change. I feel so blessed to be helping you maximize your potential and to be your personal best as you navigate through this lifetime.
Of course, it’s not just about you; it’s also about me! I could not do this work if I were not on my own personal journey toward being and living my best life. Nurturing Your Success was born shortly after my third lay off in 2001. I took some time to assess what I really wanted for myself and my life, how I wanted to contribute to society, and what was really important to me. I needed to define ‘success’ so I could then learn how to create it because the path I had been traveling did not seem to be getting me the results I wanted.
What I learned through this period of self-discovery was that more than anything I value personal development and being the best we can be – we just don’t always know how to be great and that is the focus of my work with Nurturing Your Success®. I also returned to psychiatric nursing, which supports my efforts to help us accept ourselves and be all we are capable of being.
Here is a quote from my latest book, Does Change have to be so HARD?, which sums up my beliefs about the power we possess to live a rich and happy life.
“I believe that each of us has more personal power than we know how to use – and it scares us – that we have the power to change our lives for the better but we hide the best of ourselves behind a wall of fear, self-doubt and negative mental conditioning. In order to change, in order to make the impact we want to have in this lifetime, we must bring down that wall to release our power, start believing in ourselves and create powerful habits that allow us to be fully who we are.
I have always believed that we have the power to create our own happiness. My quest has been to discover those powers and learn how to use them to create a life that I love. Along the way, I have faced my share of hardships and challenges that have tested my resolve. I have had to learn to fight for life, love and happiness…
Read the entire article.
To your health and happiness,
Julie Donley, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success and inspiring you to be your best!
Author of The Journey Called YOU and Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?
Whitney Houston sang this beautiful song where she reveals that the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself, something which she once shared in an interview, was a struggle for her.
It is a struggle for many of us.
On Valentine’s Day, I thought it was apropos to focus on loving ourselves.
When we hear about a famous person dying young, especially one with as much talent as Whitney, it hurts us. It’s never easy to deal with death; but it’s more unsettling when it happens prematurely and especially unnaturally, as in the case of Michael Jackson. We get angry when this happens and wish they had taken better care of themselves so we could continue to enjoy their gifts.
But you have gifts too. You matter just as much as these famous people. You have family and friends and coworkers and others to whom you mean so much.
Have you ever stopped to consider what you and your actions – your presence – means in the life of those around you?
You are special. You have many unique qualities. It’s your job to respect and honor yourself, to identify and develop your special talents and to share them with the rest of us; to accept yourself with all of your idiosyncrasies, brilliance and beauty; and to enjoy yourself – to enjoy being you.
We all have the same life lessons to learn – to love, to grow, to take care of our body and health, figure out our finances, create relationships that work, turn our skills into a career so we can earn a living, forgive…It all comes back to how we feel about ourselves and how we treat ourselves.
There are different kinds of love – romantic, maternal/paternal, brotherly – but the definition that fits everywhere is that of acceptance.
Where there is acceptance, there is love.
Isn’t that what we each want – to be accepted for who we are without having to hide, wear a mask or shrink to fit some idea or mold? We want to fully express who we are without holding back, without reservations and without ties or rules imposed by others. That’s freedom–
The freedom to be YOU.
You give yourself that freedom by learning to love and honor yourself. You just have to decide that you are important enough to give yourself the attention and care YOU need.
Imagine that – putting yourself first in order of importance in your life.
But you ARE the most important person in your life; without you, what do you have? No one will love and care for you better than YOU.
This Valentine’s Day, as you celebrate ‘love’, take a moment to consider the love you have for yourself:
- Identify a couple of ways in which you want to improve how you care for yourself;
- Identify a couple of things perhaps you need to accept in your life – about you, your present circumstances, or your past;
- and start today doing little things that make you feel loved – by YOU.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
To your health and happiness,
Julie Donley, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success and inspiring you to be your best!
Author of The Journey Called YOU and Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?
Just one week after the suicide of my friend back in early September, the hospital where I work completely flooded and closed for renovations leaving us all out of work.
The company decided to pay us – which is amazing. Although much less than what I am used to, it has been a pleasure – and very strange – to be temporarily ‘retired’.
Most people say they would love to be out of work but it has been quite an experience. How much time can you spend cleaning or shopping (without getting yourself into trouble)?!
What would you DO with your time if you suddenly found yourself out of work with an income enough to sustain you for awhile?
I am a worker. I am used to having a lot to do and personal projects that keep me busy and entertained – like writing books! Having so much time on my hands caused me to do some serious self-reflection and I have gone through a myriad of emotions.
At first I was anxious just like everyone else. We had no idea what was going to happen; if the hospital would close for good or if they would lay us all off. Were they really going to pay us even though we were not working?
After three months out of work, I became very depressed, which I struggled with back in December. I began reaching out for assistance. My sadness was palpable. I have never been so sad for an extended period and was a little worried. Although I had faith it would pass, I needed to reach out and let people know what I was experiencing so I was not alone. I also began working with a healer.
- Learning and growing
- Connecting with others
- Health/fitness and self-care
- Teaching and adding value to others’ lives
- and leaving the world a better place than when I got here
Since January, I am focusing on living my values and relaxing, taking this time in stride. I know that this comes only once in a lifetime – if one is lucky enough to have the experience. And I also know that it will end soon as construction moves forward at a very fast pace. And finally, I can truly tell you that I am enjoying myself.
One of the most important things I have learned has been just how important my relationships are. I have an amazing network of friends and family members and connecting with others is fundamentally a huge value for me.
When we are busy, it is so easy to lose touch or to simply not connect the way you want to because, let’s face it, there just isn’t a 
lot of time to just ‘hang out’. I LOVE having time to just chat with people and truly BE in their lives. I want – and need – this to continue when we return to the fast-pace of work.
Being ‘temporarily retired’ makes me realize the importance of having money saved for my real retirement! My dear husband and I are revisiting our retirement plan and refocusing on funding it so that we can live well when we retire.
Some of the other nurses are using the time to be with children or grandchildren, take trips, volunteer and complete house projects. Most of us are looking forward to going back to work. Work makes you feel as though you are making a contribution to something bigger. And while I miss work, there is real value in having the time to be there for your family and your own community – we each can make a huge difference when we tend to our own homes.
What would you do if you were suddenly and temporarily retired? If you had the time to do all of the things that you wish you had time for now, do you think you would use the time to complete them? How might you live differently?
Eventually, you WILL be retired and you’ll have to fill your time with things that make you happy. Why not start the process today by identifying your values, hobbies and things you enjoy doing?
Consider YOUR retirement fund – are you saving enough today so that it grows big enough so you CAN retire?
Enjoy the inquiry and have a wonderful day.
To your health and happiness,
Julie Donley, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success and inspiring you to be your best!
Author of The Journey Called YOU and Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?
